Teen Dating, Violence and Restraining Orders

Important Questions and Answers about Teen Dating Violence

Frequently Asked Questions

Basic Information...
What is a restraining order and what does it do?
A restraining order, or abuse prevention order is a court order requiring that your boy-friend or girlfriend, past or present, stop “abusing” you. The order may also state that your boyfriend or girlfriend may not see or contact you.
How does the law define "abuse"?
The law says you are “abused” if your former or current boyfriend or girlfriend is:
  • attempting to physically hurt you
  • physically hurting you
  • placing you in fear of serious physical harm or
  • using you to engage involuntarily in sexual relations by force, threat or duress.
How do I know if I am eligible to apply for a restraining order?
If you are considering seeking a restraining order, you should know that the law covers you if you are or have been in any of the following relationships:
  • substantive dating, based on how long you were involved (there is no minimum length of time) the type of relationship; how often you saw each other; and if the relationship is over , how long ago it ended
  • living together in the same household
  • engaged or married
  • have a child together or
  • related by blood or marriage.
The law applies to all dating relationships — those between members of the opposite sex and those between members of the same sex.
What can a restraining order include?
Under a restraining order, a judge can impose any number of restrictions on the person who is hurting you, including requiring the abuser to:
  • stop abusing you
  • not contact you, either directly or indirectly (for ex-ample,
  • through other people or through letters, e-mail or telephone calls)
  • leave or move out of your home
  • stay away from you at your home, work, school or any other place you may be
  • give you custody of your minor child
  • stop abusing or contacting your child
  • surrender any guns, gun permits or ammunition and
  • collect his or her belongings from your home only in the presence of the police
Every dating situation is different. If you need something that does not appear on the standard order, you can ask the judge to consider adding items so that the order addresses your particular concerns.
What happens if the abuser violates the restraining order?
Violating a restraining order is a crime and subjects the abuser to arrest and possible jail time. You should report any and all violations to the police immediately. If, for ex-ample, your order states that the abuser cannot contact you and he or she calls you on the telephone or sends you a card, that violates the order even if the call or card seems harmless.
Going to Court...
Where do I go to obtain a restraining order?
While you can apply for a restraining order at your local district court, probate court, or superior court, most people go to the district court in the town either where they live or where they’ve fled for safety. If you need an order after the courthouse is closed, you can apply for one by contacting your local police station. If an order is granted, you must go to the courthouse to extend it on the next day that court is open.
How do I apply for a restraining order?
You do not need a lawyer to apply for a restraining order and there is no cost for obtaining one. At the courthouse, the clerk’s office will give you an application which you must fill out. You will need to explain why you want a restraining order and some of the history of abuse in your relationship.
Most courts in Massachusetts have victim advocates who are experienced in answering questions about restraining orders, the court system and service referrals. They can help you throughout the restraining order process. You will have a hearing before a judge. You may be able to approach the judge’s bench so that your conversation with the judge is private. The judge will review your request and decide whether you qualify for a temporary restraining order, which can last up to ten days.
Interpreters will be made available to you if you need one.
How does the judge decide whether to issue a restraining order?
Under the law, the judge needs to determine if:
  • your relationship is covered by the law; and
  • you have shown “a substantial likelihood of immediate danger of abuse
Is the abuser involved in this process?
The abuser is generally not present for the initial hearing and you are not required to let him or her know you are seeking a restraining order. The abuser has the right to be present at later court dates.
What happens after the judge issues the temporary restraining order?
The judge will issue a temporary order for up to ten days, until the “return date.” Between the initial date and the return date, the local police will make every effort to give the abuser a copy of the order.
You must come to court on the return date to ask the court to continue the order or it will expire and you will no longer have its protections. A hearing will be held on the return date to determine if the restraining order will be continued. An advocate may assist you at the hearing. The abuser has the right to come into court and participate in the hearing. The judge will make the final decision.
Orders can last any length of time up to one year. When an order is set to expire, you may come into court to ask the judge to renew it.
You should carry your restraining order with you at all times.
If I contact the abuser can I be charged with violating the order?
No. You cannot violate the order. Only the abuser can violate the order. However, when an order is in place, you should not initiate any contact that the order forbids.
What if I want to change the terms of the restraining order?
Either you or the abuser can ask the court to change the terms of the order. Changes can be made on the return date. If you wish to change the order at a later date, you will have to file a motion with the court. You may want to talk to an advocate about any changes you’re considering.
If I'm under 18 does a parent or another adult have to come with me to court?
A person who is under 18 is considered a minor. If you’re a minor, a judge may request that a parent or guardian come with you to court. If that is not possible, the court may appoint someone to discuss the situation with you and report to the court. However, the judge can issue the order without a parent or guardian present if you appear to be in danger.
Are the court records confidential?
As a general rule, if either you or the abuser is a minor, the court records will be confidential and not available to the public. However, a minor’s parent or guardian may still review the application. If neither party is a minor, the court will keep the following information confidential from the public:
  • your home address and telephone number; and
  • your workplace name, address and telephone number.
Your home and work address will generally appear on the order, which will be given to the abuser. If you don’t want the abuser to have this information, you need to ask the court to omit it. The court will do so if you ask.
Safety Planning...
Getting Help and Support
Safety planning is an essential part of protecting your-self if you are or have been in a relationship which causes you to be afraid. This is an important step even if you decide that you don’t want a restraining order or you think that you are not eligible for one.
You need to assess your own safety and develop a plan which is right for you. Advocates can help you to consider your options. As part of your plan, you may want to:
  • notify your family, friends, school and workplace, if appropriate, when you get a restraining order;
  • let others know your whereabouts and schedule throughout the day;
  • seek out people who can support you, including family, teachers, counselors, school officials and friends
  • identify safe routes to and from school, activities and work
  • consider the need for changes to school or work schedules
  • locate places you can go if you are in danger; and
  • call your local domestic violence program (which you can do anonymously).
If you let your school know that you have a restraining order, the school may help you in the following ways: If the abuser isn’t a student, your school may assist you by keeping that person off school property and by reporting violations of the restraining order to the police.
If the abuser is a student at your school, the school can assist by:
• changing class schedules and lunchtime assignments
• changing locker assignments
• providing staff and services to address your needs
• notifying the police of any violations of the order.
Contacting the Police
You should know that the abuse which you’re experiencing may be a crime. Call your local police immediately if you think the person you are in fear of has done something which may be a crime, such as threatening, assaulting, stalking or harassing you. Many police departments have domestic violence and juvenile officers who can help you. They can assist you even if you’re not in an emergency situation.
Whatever your circumstances, help is available. If you have questions, want more information or just need to talk to someone, there are places to call:
Massachusetts Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline
Toll-free, 24 hours
(877) 785-2020
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Toll-free, 24 hours
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
Office of the Attorney General
Tom Reilly
One Ashburton Place
Boston, MA. 02108